Oh the humanity...

...or lack thereof. Let me explain what happened yesterday. True story:

It was an awfully busy day with 2014 pre-freshmen students previewing the school and "communiversity," an annual festival throughout downtown with local artists, musicians, vendors and so much food (totally awesome). I had the unfortunate luck of tending to a customer's never-ending, totally grueling and oh so annoying needs. "Mrs. Needy" had me waiting on her hand and food for close to ONE HOUR. That's right: 60 terribly long minutes. She was buying something (she didn't know what) for her grandchild. So, she wanted to see every single piece of merchandise appropriate for his age. Our selection is not that extensive for infants, but there we were, staring and discussing at length the 6ft by 6ft wall. Mrs. Needy had me reach for every single item and tell her the size and price of each. Multiple times. She couldn't decide and basically wanted me to shop for her. Half way through, her husband, the poor man, tired of waiting for her, tries to coax her to the register, but madame is not finished. Naturally, she forgot what she had previously bought her grandkid when he was a newborn, so she calls her son. That was the most horrifying half-conversation I've ever heard. It reminded me of George Constanza and his mom. She snapped the phone shut and told me how disappointed and "not proud" she was, because she couldn't buy what she wanted. She starts throwing a hissy fit, dropping everything, then whines "I need a basket!" So I get one, and we stand in the kids' department for another 20 minutes or so, until the hubby comes back angrier as ever. He saves me from her grip--God bless him.

I go back to the registers, where the line is so, so long. My coworker mouths "God bless you" because she's had to deal with Mrs. Needy before and she knows what I just had to go throug. I start helping my coworkers by bagging for them while they ring and handle change. Suddenly, a nasty woman near the front of the line shrieks, "Do ya think you could open the fourth register?!?" I look up, shocked that she dares tell me what to do, and snap back, "It's broken!" There was a lot more I could've said. So I continue bagging.

Murphy's law has it that I get Mrs. Needy again. Why me?!? She puts her basket on the counter and tells me she picked up another item. What do I think, she wants to know. (I swear I was about to strangle her.) Is she aware of the 30 people in line?!? Then she shows me a picture frame. "Is it a nice gift?" I don't know woman, just give me your money and leave me alone!! The next thing I know, Mrs. Nasty yells from the line: "Hey lady! You're supposed to have made up your mind by the time you get to the register! Don't you see we're waiting here?!" Holy cow, I'm about to scream. Mrs. Needy is totally clueless and continues driving me mad.

Meanwhile, on my left, I start noticing a lot of commotion. There's a woman hunched over the counter with her cell phone open and she's trying to communicate. I thought she might have a mental disability, because she was having a hard time talking and she had a blank look on her face. One of my coworkers was trying to help her when he motioned for another coworker to step in. This time, I thought maybe there was a problem with her cell phone that my coworker was trying to fix. The mob in the line gets increasingly louder and I'm afraid Mrs. Nasty is going to start yelling again.

The next thing I know, someone yells "call 911!" Apparently, a customer in line happened to be a nurse and took the woman's pulse, which was dangerously low. A number of other customers start helping her to a chair that we brought out, and then lower her to the floor because she needed her feet elevated. The crowd starts hovering over the situation, even though I shouted that everyone should stay back and form the line to the other side of the store. No one listens to me until the policemen repeat me moments later. Mrs. Nasty gets her transaction completed and said more nasty things (but thankfully she wasn't at my counter--I might have opened my mouth and used it.) Finally the EMT guys arrive and get her onto a stretcher, with oxygen. I'm asked to get the ailing woman's information. The curious crowd gets more impatient and nosy. There are multiple lines because of the space created to let the stretcher through. Then to top it all off, a grown woman who initially was helping lower the sick lady to the floor, stomps the floor with her foot and wails "oooh, I lost my place in line!"

It turns out, the medical emergency was a seizure, and today she came back to the store to thank us for everything we did. I hope she doesn't remember the incredibly selfish and rude and intolerable people around her that day.