Barely remembered this blog's address

Sheesh, it's been a while.

Classes began 2 weeks ago. Life without Matthew began 1 week ago. Both have been tough for different reasons, but I've also had some blessings.

Teaching is going fine. My worst class is my AP kids because it's tiny: 5 students. And they are mute. That's right, they don't like to? bother with? speaking French. They would all prefer sitting and listening. Makes for a boring class when there needs to be so much discussion. I've got to work on them. It's a night and day comparison to last year's group who basically talked all over each other.

Dorm life is good. I'm slowly getting to know the girls. Even though our 1 livingroom wall picks up sound, and our bathrooms share a wall, it's pretty quiet overall. I can sleep well, but it's sometimes hard to get sleepy when duty's immediately over. I've not cooked food for myself since before school started. I eat lunch and dinner in the cafeteria and it's not bad. There's always something to eat, and it's nice to socialize with whatever other faculty families or single teachers there too. It beats eating alone in my apartment. On campus life can get a little suffocating though, so I need to seek out ways to get off campus, even if I bring all my work with me.

Matthew's also doing well. We skype every day, sometimes more. I love having video. It makes such a difference to be able to see each other's smiles, laugh and facial expressions. How did we ever cope without it? He's slowly getting into the routine of things, but had several French bumps in the French road so far. Here's a sampling:
--The day he arrived in Paris, after the long sleepless traveling, they gave him his room key, but didn't give him the building code.
--He was told to make sure to check ENS email often because "all important information will be sent there", but no one gave him his email address.
--He asked about how snail mail works and where his mailbox might be found, and the receptionist said that they haven't finished the mailbox "etiquette" (stickers), but to come back in early October. Meanwhile, all ENS students (hundreds?) are supposed to ask the receptionist if she remembers seeing their names for incoming mail/packages.
--On his first full day there, Matthew decided to go to the BNF (national) library, which, by the way, was closed his first week. It's too bad they close for back to school week!
--The ENS libary has been "organized by monkeys" says Matthew. Whereas American librarians have angry signs saying "Do not reshelve the books!" the French ones read "Reshelve your own books".

The one area that's the hardest for us both is our social life. It's hard to reach out to others in an effort to make friends at our age and with people around us. For Matthew, he's looking to hang out with people his own age (few choices). For me, most of my colleagues have their spouses and children to occupy them, and a lot of the singles hang out together in a big clic. Always.

One thing that I've had to fight this week, with Matthew gone, is burying my head in work. It's easy to do because it's what I know, it's comfortable, and it distracts me from being lonely. But then, I find myself so sick of work!! What's even more strange is that I've been having flashbacks to myself 6 years ago in Syracuse and that low place in life when I was overworked and depressed and very lonely. Matt was in France. Back then, I hated living alone. Today, it still makes me anxious and gives me a racing heart. I don't know if that will always happen in life, or if I'm just associating this situation with the past and it's bringing up all kinds of negative emotions. I am not the same person as I was then, but sometimes those insecurities and panic attacks, weird dreams and loss of appetite come back to me. Just this morning, I woke up too early because my heart was racing! I pulled out a verse card from a box of verses I bought (101 promises from Psalms): "My heart trusts in the Lord, and I am helped." Matt and I both know that God holds us in His hands, and definitely has the power to calm my heart, but some days we have to fight harder.

Every week should get better: Eventually, we will find a good balance between our work and some fun and joy with new friends.

Thanks so much for all of your prayers!!