Signs and symbols

Signs and symbols are everywhere. Churches, libraries, even some post offices in New York carry the vestiges of a weight and ancient symbolic heritage. Even things as common as currency are good examples. The back of the dollar bill testifies to the influence of Freemason iconography in the early years of American history. The basic human desire to understand the world beyond the scope afforded us by our limited capacity as humans makes the subject of perennial interest. Thus, there is a lot of money in the interpretation of symbols. In his best-selling fictions Dan Brown takes on the whole of semiotics, and you don’t have to be a numerologist to understand the significance of the changing numbers in his bank account.

I considered myself mostly immune to these obsessions until recently. Sure, while grading French 101 tests occasionally a calculation would result in the repeating decimal .66666666. I shrugged my shoulders and assumed it was a coincidence. Then in the library, I checked out a book about the New Testament and realized that the call number began with BS. Indeed, all of the books dealing with the Bible began with the letters BS. Some might naively say that this refers to Biblical Studies, but then why would other fields have no such logical base. For example, French literature is classed under PQ*. (WAIT A MINUTE!) I suspected a much more sinister explanation. I had heard horror stories about professors (usually biologists) in secular universities calling out their Christian students. In some scenarios, they were told to stand up, in others to raise their hands. In all cases, they offered up as objects of ridicule for their classmates. Could this library classification system be part of systematic plot to undermine students’ faith? While seeking to learn more about the Bible, unsuspecting undergraduates were being bombarded with subliminal messages, saying everything they once held true was in fact BS.

Everything came to a head, when I learned that a group called Family Radio, after intensive Biblical number crunching, has discovered that the world will end on May 21st. In terms of me, this means I will have just enough time to spend a week suffering through general exams, and to present my papers, and no time to celebrate. Even more upsetting, I will be forced to purchase a birthday present for Rebekah, while she is spared the trouble. If I don't buy her a gift, she will still have two weeks to make my lasts days on earth sufficiently miserable. I cannot believe in such a God.

*In French slang PQ = papier-cul = literally "butt paper" = toilet paper